after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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