Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
