Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
