I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
