smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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