She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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