this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
