apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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