Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
