weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
