feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
