dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
