Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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