If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Success! We fucked roommates!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
