can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
