You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
