I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
