Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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