someone threw a dead crab at me
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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