Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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