i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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