forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
