She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
