Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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