i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
