yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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