she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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