how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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