I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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