You're completely useless in the revolution.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
