i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
