I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
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