APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
