just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
