it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
