soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
