we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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