"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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