sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
