and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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