I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
