he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
