i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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