the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
