I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
