I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
