I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
