Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
ok first of all what the fuck
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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