I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
