throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
