Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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