a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
