so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
