I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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