it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
