I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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