and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
