Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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