dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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