god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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